Girl’s marriage – Still Parent’s Ultimate dream?

Worry begins, when a girl child is born in an Indian (orthodox) family. Most of them start harping on it when she reaches 21, about to complete her Graduation and are almost in great grief by the time she is 28+. In India, it is considered the parents’ “duty” to get their kids married off and complete their duties ASAP.

But everyone wants only one thing for their daughters: HAPPINESS. But do you know how India parents think their daughters would be happy? When they are secure in their family, how they will be secure? When they have enough money to fulfill their dreams. How will they get enough money? By marrying her to a guy who can earn enough of it for them.Indian-MARRIAGE-grils 

Because (and we all are told Indian women don’t think like that about equality) women are never expected to fulfill the role of breadwinner in the family. Even if she is professionally qualified she’s expected to marry, stop working, take care of their family and even start producing babies. The irony of this is that a lot of parents, upon discovering post-marriage that their daughters are not “secure and happy,” tell them that it is their fate and refuse to let them come back home, even tell them their husband’s home is only their home not his father’s home. (Sad but true 😦 )

These are some of the most common problems encountered:

  • As the girl ages, it gets increasingly difficult to find a nice groom for her. If they start the groom hunt early, apparently the chances of finding a nice boy is high!
  • Parents want to get done with the responsibility of getting their daughter married ASAP. They start having all sorts of fears including but not limited to ‘What will happen to you if our health fails?’
  • Children: A lot of people would want their daughters married soon so that they do not have any issues during child birth. This is definitely a simpler way to get your daughter married considering it would appeal more to her sense of logic. And if that doesn’t work, then you always have the famous death threat – “Marne se pehle tere bachhe ka chehra bas ek baar dekh lun!” (let me see your child’s face at least once before I die!). 😀
  • Marriage expenses: Marriages are a lavish affair in India even for societies which follow rather simple traditions. Things become even more difficult if you have a fairly long guest list. I had also heard about the several people start saving money for their daughter’s marriage from the next day of their birth also. In such a situation, several people who have jobs with a fixed tenure and do not have sufficient resources would want to ensure that their daughters are married before their retirement. Indian-girl-Marriage
  • The guy to whom their daughter gets married is going to keep her happy. For some reason the girl is perceived to be incapable of being happy on her own and someone has to make her happy.
  • The famous “log kya kahenge” (what will people say) attitude: Most people in India would justify marrying of their daughters because of this.  A late marriage would apparently create apprehensions in the minds of people (including prospective ‘ladkewalas’) who would, at the slightest hint, jump to a number of conclusions about the girl, including the following: (i) she was ditched by some guy she was dating for really long; (ii) she is not a family girl – She is too ambitious about her career; (iii) there might be some ‘kundli or grahya dosh’  (the stars weren’t appropriately aligned at the time of her birth), etc. Presumptions such as these exist everywhere, for no real reasons.
  • Not to forgot, the practice of dowry-giving is not only a problem in itself, but older brides are asked for more dowry.
  • As many have already pointed out: pressure from the society. Gossip about girls of marriageable age who are unmarried has no bounds. Rumors pop out of thin air. That reduces the girl’s value in the marriage market which is again bad news for parents.
  • Last but not the least and very similar to the previous point: relatives. Every decision for you is made by parents who consult these relatives a lot! The rubbish they feed them is more than enough to get parents worried.
  • Apart from all this, Indian families are usually excited about marriages in general. Everyone likes celebrations and new relationships being built (and the search for more children to be married off during such occasions). Not to mention, the gossip surrounding every single marriage ceremony.

This leads to many hastily arranged marriages, which can end with disastrous results.

What do you think,

  • As a girl child in family, do your parents insist you to get married?
  • Have you encountered any such event around you?
  • As parents, Do you also believe the Girl’s Marriage as ultimate dream of your life?

Please comment.

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